


Take My Hand And Lead The Way

by ruffaloon



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 12:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5927827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruffaloon/pseuds/ruffaloon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>I should have seen this coming,</em> Poe thinks after the fact, when everything is quiet and the only thing he can hear is his own uneven breathing. <em>It was too easy.</em> He plays it over and over in his head, trying to figure out how he missed it. But, the truth of the matter is, he did miss it, along with everyone else.</p>
<p>Or, an obligatory "Finn gets kidnapped and reconditioned by the First Order" fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take My Hand And Lead The Way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kimary65](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimary65/gifts).



> This is entirely [Becca's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kimary65) fault, so thank her for this awful mess.

_I should have seen this coming,_ Poe thinks after the fact, when everything is quiet and the only thing he can hear is his own uneven breathing. His face is throbbing relentlessly, a constant reminder of the very thing he's longing to forget. _It was too easy._ The way they found the secret compound, escaped unscathed, fled without being followed. It all points to the obvious conclusion: that it was a trap. Yet for some reason, no one had seen it. They were too relieved, too overconfident in their abilities. Three weeks of waiting for a breakthrough had felt like a lifetime, so as soon as they had a lead, they dived forward without thinking it through. Poe plays it over and over in his head, trying to figure out how he missed it. But, the truth of the matter is, he did miss it, along with everyone else.

"Finn!" Poe had exclaimed. "Buddy! I knew we'd find you!"

It wasn't until Poe had approached Finn and lifted his arms for a hug did he realize something was terribly, horribly, wrong. He could sense it immediately. Finn wasn't smiling, but glaring. He wasn't walking closer, but flinching backwards. He wasn't lifting his arms for a hug, but lifting one hand-

When the fist struck Poe directly in the face, he was so shocked that he couldn't completely process what was happening. He knew that Finn had punched him, logically, but emotionally, he couldn't keep up. He was lying on the ground, he realized, and suddenly Finn was on top of him and punching him again, and all Poe could think was _no, no, this can't be right._

"Finn," Poe choked out, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth. Finn didn't react, aside from raising his fist for one, final blow. The pure lack of emotion that was present on his face haunts Poe for the rest of his life.

That final punch never happened, though, because suddenly there was a sickeningly loud _TWACK_ and Finn was nothing more than a dead weight on top of Poe's smaller body. The impact nearly knocked the wind out of Poe, and when he finally opened his eyes, he saw Rey looking down at him, horror etched into every part of her face. She was holding her staff in front of her with both hands, and breathing heavily. After a moment she dropped the staff without warning and kneeled down next to the unconscious body.

"He was- he- he was going to kill you," she stuttered, as though she had to explain her actions. Justify them, somehow, to herself more than anyone. She already had Finn's arm in her hands, lifting him up slightly so Poe could crawl out from underneath him.

"Oh, god. I didn't want to hurt him- he's going to be okay, right? You don't think that I- that I-"

"No," Poe replied, "He's alive. I could- feel his heart beating."

"Oh, but what about you? That looks like it really hurt," Rey asked. She was trying so hard to be strong. Poe could tell. But her voice was wavering and she was shaking and there were unshed tears in her eyes.

"We can worry about me later, okay? Our first priority is getting Finn back safely," Poe said, and Rey nodded, evidently relieved to have something to focus on. They somehow managed to carry Finn back to a ship and get him back to the base, though Poe isn't completely sure how. _They let us go,_ Poe thinks. _It was so obvious._

So now he's sitting by himself in the medical bay hallway, too tired to drag himself all the way back to his bunk. The fresh stitches on his cheek sting. He just wants to sleep. He doubts he'll be able to, though. Every time he closes his eyes he sees it happening all over again, like a movie being projected on the inside of his eyelids. He rubs his temples and stares blankly up at the ceiling.

He suddenly feels something nudging his leg, and looks down to find BB-8, looking up at him in worry. He knows that's impossible, because droids don't actually have facial expressions, but Poe can always tell what BB-8 is thinking anyway. The droid beeps at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine, buddy," Poe says, trying to reassure his small friend. BB-8 beeps again.

"He's okay, too. He's- uh, sleeping right now. They had to put him under. But he's alive."

BB-8 tilts his head to the side and beeps angrily. He could always tell when Poe was hiding something. Poe sighs and looks at his feet.

"They did something to him. We're not sure what yet, but it's bad. He's... not himself."

BB-8 seems to deflate, resting his head against Poe's leg and chirping sadly.

"Don't worry, bud. We're gonna get him back," Poe says, and rests his hand on top of BB-8's head. "We need to get him back."

\---

 

It was the longest night of Poe's life, and when he's woken up by someone shaking his shoulder the next morning, he doesn't feel any better than he did before. He feels worse, actually.

"You should shower," Rey says, sitting in the chair next to Poe. "They're going to wake him up later, so we can talk to him. Did you spend the night here?"

Poe nods, still slightly disoriented.

"I did too," she says quietly. "Right next to his room. They wouldn't let me go in, but I could still see glimpses of him whenever the doctors went through the door."

Poe suddenly feels immensely grateful that Rey is here, because she's the only one who could possibly understand what he's going through. It's a nice thought, that he's not alone in this.

"I'll make sure that nothing happens until you get back," Rey continues. "Go."

"Thank you," Poe says, and he hopes Rey can tell how much he means it.

\---

"We don't know how he's going to react," the doctor had said multiple times. "If it's negatively, we'll have to pull you out. This is a very delicate situation. It might take time."

"We understand," Rey and Poe had replied multiple times. They know the risks. They just want to see him already.

Poe is a bundle of nerves, and he knows Rey is too. It's important that they're both there when he wakes up. It's important that they're all together. Neither of them had said it out loud, but they both knew that this was necessary, somehow.

"Okay," the doctor says. She unlocks the door and pushes it open, allowing Poe and Rey to see inside. They glance at each other, and Poe gives what he hopes is a reassuring nod. They step inside, and immediately hear the door lock behind them.

"Well, that's a good sign," Poe says quietly, trying to break the tension. Rey huffs out an anxious laugh. There's a bed on the far wall, right next to an array of intimidating medical equipment. A heart monitor beeps steadily. The person in the bed shifts at the voices, tries to sit up.

"Finn?" Poe says tentatively, making his way through the room to Finn's bedside. Rey is right behind him, nervously chewing her lip. Finn doesn't say anything. He's strapped to the bed, unable to move his hands or feet. The entire situation is so incredibly wrong that Poe actually feels nauseous.

"Finn, do you remember me? I'm Poe. This is Rey."

Rey mumbles a soft "Hi." Finn continues to stay silent.

"We know you," Poe continues, a little desperately. "We're your friends."

"I'm a stormtrooper," Finn says, and it's the first time they've heard his voice since he was stolen from them. "No one knows us."

If Poe had to describe what he's feeling right about now, it'd probably be somewhere between getting eaten alive and drowning in an ocean of ice. In other words, excruciating pain.

"But we do. You're Finn," Poe says, and he hates the way his voice cracks. He takes a moment to steady himself, and seems to come to a decision. "Finn Dameron."

Poe feels Rey staring at the back of his head, but she stays silent. He continues on before he loses the courage.

"You belong here. With the Resistance. With Rey and me. We're your family, buddy."

Finn doesn't say anything, but clenches his fists and pulls slightly at the restraints.

"You don't know where I belong," he says eventually. "You don't know anything about me."

"Yes, I do," Rey says, speaking up for the first time. "I know your favorite color is purple. I know you love it when it rains. I know you can still remember your mother's voice."

Finn stills, looking at Rey in shock.

"She used to sing you to sleep. You told me."

"Stop it," Finn says.

"She was singing to you the night the First Order stole you away from her. Do you remember that, Finn? The First Order kidnapping you away from your family? Because they just did it again."

"Shut up," Finn snarls, yanking relentlessly at the restraints. "I'm FN-2187. I'm a stormtrooper. I work for the First Order. I'm loyal to Kylo Ren," he recites. He says it unnaturally, like reading off of a cue card only he can see. If Poe thought he was in pain before, hearing this sends him spiraling over the edge. He can't seem to catch his breath. The door to the room suddenly bursts open and Poe and Rey are quickly ushered out, while the doctor administers some kind of shot. Poe doesn't get a good look at it, though, because his vision is a bit blurry.

"I think I need to puke," he says as soon as they're in the hallway again. He leans against a wall and rests his head on the cool tile. Deep breaths, he reminds himself. He's gotten through panic attacks on his own before. He feels a reassuring hand on his back.

"It's okay," Rey says. "He's strong. We can get through this."

Poe knows that this probably isn't true, and that Rey is just trying to make both of them feel better. But for some reason, it still works. He turns around to look at her, and notes the tear streaks on her soft face. _Thank God I'm not alone_ , he thinks. He nods, and runs his fingers through his hair a few times before regaining his composure.

Poe is already walking away when he feels Rey tug at his jacket sleeve.

"Hey," she says quietly. "I think I want to be a Dameron too."

Poe's eyes widen in shock for a moment, but it quickly fades into a wide, genuine smile. He places his hand on her shoulder and lightly squeezes. "Of course."

\---

It's not normal reconditioning, they find out. Some of it's the same- negative reinforcement, typical torture. But what they did to his mind is more complicated. Rey says as much during a meeting with General Leia.

"I think it was Kylo Ren," Rey says. "We all know how he can get into your mind."

Poe shivers. He does remember, although he'd rather forget the feeling of someone in your brain with you, reliving your best and worst memories, learning all your deepest secrets. Leia nods solemnly, but looks oddly preoccupied. She's staring at the floor, her arms crossed.

"So, what? He used the Force to implant false memories?" Poe asks.

"Not quite. I don't think that's possible. I think he just... pushed all of Finn's memories of us back into a corner, and brought everything else forward. All the bad things. Like his years of training, all of his built up anger."

"So the question is, how do we reverse it?" Poe says. Rey nervously chews her lip.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do," Leia says suddenly, and they both look at her in surprise. "You've trained with Luke. You know your power."

"Yeah, I suppose, but I've only been training for a few months. I barely know what I'm doing. Luke, on the other hand-"

"No," Leia says firmly. "No one knows Finn better than you. If he's still in there, you're the only one that can bring him back. No one else." She gently puts a hand on Rey's shoulder. "My brother speaks very highly of you. I know he believes you can do it. As do I." Rey smiles softly up at her, and Leia gently cups her face before stepping backward. "You both know what you need to do."

"Yes, general," Poe says, and salutes. Leia rolls her eyes.

"Get out of here."

\---

Rey heads straight to Poe's bunk after her first session with Finn. She needs someone to talk to, someone who knows Finn as well as she does. Someone who loves Finn as much as she does.

"It was... awful, Poe. So awful," she says, her knees drawn up to her chest. "His mind. It was- it was hell. I couldn't find a single happy memory." She balls up her fist and looks at it. It's shaking slightly. "If I ever see that bastard, I swear I'll-"

"I know," Poe says. "And I'll be there, cheering you on. So will Finn."

Rey looks grateful. "I think I managed to do something. Not much, but something. I tried to redirect his anger towards the right people. I could only really redirect one thought, but I think he might be able to do the rest himself, over time. Like a ripple in a lake."

She looks off into the distance thoughtfully. "I never would've known what a lake even looked like if it wasn't for him."

"I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for him."

Rey gives a small smile. "What, is this a competition?"

"I am a very competitive person, as you know."

"Hm, but so am I," Rey replies, her eyes shining mischievously.

"Then win," Poe says, suddenly serious. "Beat them. Win Finn back."

Rey's smile turns into a grimace, but her eyes continue to shine with determination. "I will."

\---

It becomes a routine. Rey works with Finn, goes straight to Poe's bunk, and they talk for an hour or two before Rey goes to report her progress to Leia. It helps, being able to talk everything over a few times before deciding exactly what to say to the general. Shifting through Finn's memories makes Rey feel gross and invasive. But it's working. Little by little, day by day, Finn is changing.

\---

Rey is late. At first it's only by five minutes. Ten minutes after that is when Poe starts to worry. And when she finally arrives 40 minutes later than usual, Poe breathes a sigh of relief.

"I'm so sorry," Rey says as she plops down on Poe's bed. "The session ran late- we made some real progress today, I think."

Rey smiles at him apologetically, and it's obvious that she's exhausted. This is taking a toll on her. Finn needs to get back to his normal self not just for his own sake, but for Rey's as well. Poe lies down on his bed next to her, and they both look up at the ceiling.

"It went well, then?" Poe asks. "I think so," Rey says, and Poe can't help but notice that she seems to be trying to hide her excitement. Maybe she didn't want to get his hopes up.

She doesn't say anything after that for a long time. Her uncharacteristic silence is making Poe nervous, but he doesn't push her to say more. She starts idly pulling at a loose piece of string on Poe's bedding. She bites her lip for a moment, then turns her head so she can look Poe in the eye.

"I saw something, I need to tell you that I saw it, because otherwise it'll eat me alive," she says quickly.

Poe sits up slightly in alarm, leaning on his elbow. "What is it?"

"I was looking through Finn's memories, like I usually do. And I could sense one memory that was stronger than the others. Brighter. One wonderful, shining, _good_ memory."

"And? What was it?"

"It was- you. And Finn. You were standing behind your X-wing. You were... well, you were kissing."

Poe blinks. Then he lets out a bought of relieved laughter. "Oh, man, Rey- you scared me. I thought you saw something bad."

"I'm sorry," Rey says again. She covers her face with her hands. "I needed to tell you- I felt like I intruded on your privacy."

She peeks through her fingers.

"You're not angry?"

"No, of course not," Poe says, muffling a few giggles in his hand. "You needed to see it to save Finn. And I'm glad you know, now."

He smiles brightly, then raises his eyebrows. "Although, we weren't really hiding it."

"No, you weren't," Rey agrees. "But I didn't know for sure, and I couldn't just ask."

"Why not?" Poe asks, and Rey playfully hits him with a pillow.

"Because that would be rude," she says, evidently horrified. She's smiling though, and so is Poe, and for the first time in a long while, he feels hopeful.

\---

Poe is being shaken awake, which isn't that surprising to him anymore. What is surprising is that it's Jessika he sees when he opens his eyes, not Rey. His heart immediately drops and he fears the worst.

"What is it? What happened? Are they attacking?" Poe asks urgently, already pulling on his pants and reaching to grab a shirt.

"No- nothing like that. It's Finn."

Poe freezes and looks up at her.

"He's back. She did it," Jessika says, and she can't hide her smile.

Poe feels strange, like a giant weight has been lifted from his heart, but he almost can't bring himself to believe it. "He's... he's back?"

"Yes. Rey's with him right now. They told me to come get you, that you'd want to head down there right away."

Poe continues to stare at her for a few more seconds, then rushes to shove his feet in his boots, not even bothering to tie them.

"Thank you," he says, and impulsively grabs Jessika's face and kisses her forehead. "Thank you," he says again, and Jessika gives him an odd look as he heads out the door.

He runs the entire way there, putting on his jacket as he goes, and _wow, has the medical bay always been this far away? This is taking far too long_. He bursts through the med bay door and continues to run down the hallway to Finn's room, his heart beating uncontrollably. He probably looks a little crazy right now, considering his messy hair and mismatched outfit, but he also feels a little crazy, so at least he's consistent. He gets to Finn's room at the same time that Rey exits it, her eyes filled with tears. These are different tears than the ones that Poe has gotten used to seeing over this past week. These are the kind of tears that only happen when you're so uncontrollably happy that your body doesn't know how else to deal with it. As soon as Rey spots Poe rushing towards her, she practically throws herself at him in an engulfing hug.

"I knew you'd win," Poe says into her shoulder, and she lets out a small, watery giggle. After a few moments she pulls away and smiles at him.

"He wants to see you," she says, her smile never wavering. "He asked specifically to see you next."

Poe smiles back at her, and for a second they both just stand there, smiling at each other in the middle of a crowded busy hallway. Then Poe gives Rey's shoulder a squeeze and walks over to the door to Finn's room.

Now that Poe is actually here, about to see Finn again, he feels extremely nervous. He swallows it down and looks back at Rey, who nods and gives him a thumbs up. He opens the door.

The bed and medical equipment are in their usual spots. It's exactly the same as the last time, and for a second, Poe has a vivid flashback to Finn's vacant stare and biting words. Then he looks towards the bed and sees Finn- the _real_ Finn.

"Poe Dameron," Finn says, with a lopsided smile. "Just the man I wanted to see."

All of Poe's anxiety instantly melts away, and he's so relieved that he immediately tears up. If this had happened in front of any other person he'd probably be embarrassed, but it's Finn, so it's okay. Poe crosses the room in two long steps and wraps Finn up in a warm, long hug.

"Oh, Finn, buddy, you have no idea how good it is to see you," he says into Finn's neck. He feels Finn's hand on the back of his head, and Finn's breath on his cheek. Poe wants to live in this moment for the rest of his life.

They stay like that for a while. Poe honestly couldn't say if it was five minutes or five hours. But soon the tears in his eyes are all but gone and Finn's saying, "Okay, man, let's save some of that affection for later, alright?"

Poe huffs out a laugh and pulls away, his hand lingering on Finn's shoulder for a few seconds before he drags the visitors chair closer to the bed and sits down. For a good 30 seconds, neither of them say anything. Then they both talk at once.

"I-"

"I'm-"

They blink, then laugh.

"You go ahead, man," Finn says.

"It was nothing. Just- I missed you. We all did. I mean, you were here, but you weren't... really here," Poe finishes awkwardly. Finn's expression hardens and he balls up his blanket in one of his fists. "But hey," Poe continues, trying to distract Finn from whatever dark thoughts were currently swimming around his head. "You're here now. That's all that matters." He gently pats Finn's hand with his own.

"BB-8 will be so relieved," Poe says, almost as an afterthought. "That droid loves you even more than I do, I swear."

This causes Finn to break into a small smile, and he relaxes slightly. "I wouldn't be so sure of that. I think BB-8 might hate me."

"Now, that's not true," Poe replies. "He might be a little jealous because of all the time you spent with me, but that's all."

"I'm competing with a droid," Finn says matter-of-factly.

"The droid is winning," Poe says, and immediately starts laughing loudly as he sees the betrayed look on Finn's face. After a moment, Finn joins in the laughter.

"It's good to see you too, man. Really see you," he says. Poe grins widely, then winces as his fading bruise starts to throb in protest. Finn's smile immediately drops. Very slowly, he lifts his hand and runs a gentle finger over the thin cut.

"I did that," he says softly.

"No," Poe replies, taking Finn's hand in his. He brings it to his mouth and kisses Finn's knuckles. They're still bruised as well, and Poe almost wants to cry again. "The First Order did this. Not you."

"But I remember it," Finn says. "I remember doing it. I remember... _enjoying_ it."

"Finn," Poe says, and looks directly into his eyes. "You are not responsible for this. They used you, like they use everyone."

"I know that. I _know_ that. But... that doesn't change the fact that I- them, whatever- hurt you. I was going to _kill_ you, Poe." Finn's voice cracks as he says it, and he looks down. "I was supposed to finish you quickly," he continues. "The real target was Rey."

Poe squeezes Finn's hand, urging him to go on. He makes a mental note to remember this, so he can relay the information to the general later.

"He wanted her alive. Knew it'd be easier if it was someone she knew, she trusted. But she saved me instead," Finn says, and he looks up at Poe, a curious expression on his face. "I tried to thank her, and she kept saying it was no big deal."

"Because it's not," Poe says, smiling softly at him. "We care about you, buddy. Of course we'd help you without a second thought. That's what a family does."

Finn's eyes widen, as though he abruptly remembered something important.

"Rey- she, uh, saw. When she was going through my memories. She saw..." Finn trails off.

"Saw what?"

"Our first kiss," Finn mumbles quickly. Poe blinks, and has an intense feeling of déjà vu.

"Sorry, say that again?"

"Oh, you know what I said," Finn huffs, and Poe laughs.

"Sorry, you're just- so cute."

"I am not," Finn says, clearly offended. "I'm handsome. Charming. Hot, even. Not cute."

"You can be all of those at once," Poe says. "Including cute."

" _You're_ cute," Finn snaps, then pauses. "That didn't come out as insulting as I thought it would."

Poe laughs again, and it's like he can feel his heart physically growing in his chest.

"I already knew. That she saw. She told me when it happened," Poe says. "You should've seen how red her face was. She apologized to me at least ten times."

Finn smiles fondly. "Where would we be without that girl?"

"Dead in a ditch somewhere, I'm sure."

Just then the doctor pokes her head in the door. "Sorry guys," she says, and to her credit, it looks like she actually means it. "I have to run more tests."

"I understand," Poe replies. "Just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair." The doctor nods and closes the door.

"Okay," Poe says, and stands up. He runs his hand through his hair. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm... kind of a mess."

Finn smiles, but still looks reluctant. Poe gives him another small smile, then turns to leave. He doesn't get to take a single step, however, because Finn attaches himself to Poe's sleeve. There's that déjà vu again.

"Hey," he says. "Get back here." Poe turns around and lets Finn drag him closer.

"You thought you were gonna leave me here without giving me a goodbye kiss first? Come on, man, I expected better from you."

Poe smiles and leans down, resting their foreheads together.

"Come back soon, yeah? And bring Rey with you."

"Of course," Poe says, and Finn smiles at him and wraps his arms around Poe's waist. Poe places his hands on the sides of Finn's neck, bringing them up to cup his face.

"I love you," Poe says quietly. Finn's eyes get misty, and he kisses Poe instead of replying. Poe doesn't want to leave, but he knows he has to. _He's not going anywhere,_ he reminds himself. _He's really here._

Poe is nearly at the door when he hears a soft "Love you too," from the direction of Finn's bed. Poe's hand pauses on the doorknob. He smiles to himself, then turns it.

\---

"I can't wait to get out of here," Finn says, although it sounds more like _I cawnt waht ta met ouiff heh_.

"Hasn't anyone ever taught you to finish chewing before you talk?" Rey asks, politely tearing her food into bite size pieces. Finn chews and swallows loudly in Rey's direction.

"Not really a high priority in Stormtrooper training, no," Finn replies. "And you're just saying that because Poe's here."

He turns to Poe and says, "One time, I saw Rey scarf down an entire meal in a minute flat." He narrows his eyes. "With her hands."

"Oh, stop!" Rey says, gently shoving Finn as he laughs. She's sitting with her legs crossed near the headboard where Finn is propped up. "I didn't use my hands."

Finn gives her a look.

"...For all of it," she relents, and they all take a moment to laugh amongst themselves.

"Only a few more days," Poe says. He's leaning back in his chair, his feet resting on Finn's bed.

"A few more days," Finn agrees. They look at each other meaningfully, and Rey lets out a little sigh.

"Get a room," she says jokingly, and starts munching some of her food. It's clear that she doesn't actually mind the extra affection in the air, judging by the fond expression on her face.

"We did, but you won't leave," Finn replies, and Rey shoves him again.

"You were nicer to me before you had a boyfriend," she says, even pouting to produce the full effect.

"I didn't know how much of a pest you were back then," Finn says, and playfully messes up her hair.

"Don't worry," Poe interjects. "I'll make sure he doesn't turn into that much of an asshole."

"I'm holding you to that," Rey replies.

"I don't like it when you two gang up on me," Finn says.

"Get used to it," Poe says, and Rey grins at him. This is how it's supposed to be. The three of them, together. As a family.

\---

Finn's first day back goes fine. Better than expected, on all accounts. The second day is just as much as a success. The third day gets a little rocky.

Poe wakes up in the middle of the night sweating, his heart pounding in his chest. Another nightmare. He can't remember what it was about, but he can guess. He turns to his other side, reaching out for Finn. His hand only finds empty air. For a moment, he thinks, _oh, right, I'm alone now,_ but then his mind catches up to him. _No. That's not right._ He sits up and takes a few seconds to catch his breath. Looking around his bunk, he sees nothing but his various X-wing designs hung on the wall, along with his other belongings. It's a little bit of a mess, actually, but it's home. He makes his way towards the door, peeking out into the hallway. Finn is there, sitting on the ground a couple feet away. He doesn't look up as Poe approaches and sits next to him.

Poe wraps his arm around Finn's shoulders, and Finn lets his head drop onto Poe's chest.

"I never said thank you," Poe says quietly. "For breaking me out. I'd be dead if it wasn't for you, Finn. Remember that."

"What if I'm not better?" Finn asks, his voice muffled. "What if one day I just... I don't know... wake up and kill you all."

"I think," Poe says, "The fact that you're even wondering about this is a good sign that you're not going to. Stormtroopers usually don't feel guilt, or fear."

"I always did," Finn replies. "From the beginning."

"That's what makes you special, buddy," Poe whispers, and he kisses the top of Finn's head. "You're not like them. You never were."

Finn nods, and Poe helps him stand up.

"Come on," he says gently, and intertwines his fingers with Finn's. "Let's go back to bed."

\---

This time when Poe wakes up, he can feel the heavy weight of Finn's arm wrapped around his waist, and Finn's steady breathing on the back of his neck. Smiling to himself, Poe turns himself around so he's facing his boyfriend. Then, he places a very gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. Finn's face twitches slightly, his nose scrunching up like he has to sneeze. After a moment, he slowly opens his eyes, then immediately flinches.

"Oh, man," Finn says, his voice scratchy with sleep. He rubs at his eyes with the palm of his hand. "You just scared the hell outta me. What're you doing, staring at me like that?"

"Just admiring you," Poe says honestly. He reaches his hand over to Finn's back and starts lightly tracing the scar there.

"Please," Finn says, closing his eyes again. "It's too early for your sappy shit."

Poe scoffs. "My sappy shit is a 24 hour experience, thank you very much."

"Mmhmm," Finn replies. "My sappy shit doesn't make any appearances before 10, unfortunately."

"It's 10:30," Poe replies. Finn finally opens his eyes again.

"Really?"

"Yeah. We must've slept through the alarm. No one came looking for us, though."

"Maybe they gave us the day off," Finn says hopefully.

"Maybe," Poe replies. "Maybe they understand how difficult it was to be without you for a whole month and want us to catch up on lost time."

"Maybe," Finn agrees. "Maybe they want you to get laid so you don't look so tense all the time."

Poe's laugh is cut off by Finn kissing him.

"Maybe," Poe whispers, their noses bumping as Finn shifts. He's on top of Poe now, pinning him down.

"Maybe-" Finn begins, but he never gets to finish, because suddenly they both hear the sound of the door opening. There's a moment of shock when Poe and Finn simply stare at each other, before they both turn their heads towards the doorway. The light from the hallway is so bright compared to the dark room that they can't even see the culprit, just a silhouette.

"Oh," a voice says. Poe and Finn both realize at the exact same horrifying second that it's Rey. There she is. Looking at them. Looking at Poe and Finn, both in their boxers. Looking at Poe and Finn in a position that could be considered compromising. Looking at Finn and Poe in a compromising position in their underwear.

"Sorry," Rey says, and the door shuts so quickly that a poster falls off the wall and flutters to the ground. Poe and Finn both watch it happen.

"I'm gonna go brush my teeth," Finn says, then climbs off the bed and practically runs to the bathroom.

"I'll just... stay here, then."

\---

"I really am sorry, guys," Rey says later. "I thought you had already left. I just needed to grab some blueprints I left behind. Can you hand me a wrench?"

"This?" Finn asks, holding up a screwdriver. BB-8 looks at him and lets out a series of disbelieving beeps.

"I'm just messing with you," Finn says to the droid with a laugh. He picks up the wrench and throws it to Rey, who catches it with one hand and disappears back into the X-wing.

"What're you doing now?" Poe asks in what he hopes is a casual tone of voice. It's not.

"Oh, don't worry. You won't even notice a difference, I swear," Rey says, then pauses. "Well, you might, but it'll be a good difference. Your baby will fly more smoothly than it ever has before."

"I'm used to how it flies now, though," Poe says, mostly to himself. He takes a deep breath. "But I can fly anything, no matter how smooth. And I trust you."

BB-8 lets out something that can only be described as a whine.

"It'll be fine, buddy. We'll go on a test run as soon as she's done, make sure nothing is wrong."

Rey loudly clears her throat from inside the ship.

"But I'm sure they'll be nothing wrong at all," Poe adds hastily. Finn grins at him. There's a few alarming clanging noises, then Rey drops onto the ground.

"All done," she says, and tosses the wrench back to Finn, who nearly drops it and immediately looks around to see if anyone saw. However, his companions are both completely focused on the X-wing. Rey wipes some grease off her forehead with her arm, and starts explaining the modifications in detail. Poe is nodding and inspecting his ship with great care with BB-8 right on his heels. Finn honestly can't see a difference, but he keeps his mouth shut.

"I just wanted to do something for you before I left," Rey says, and suddenly Finn starts paying attention to the conversation again.

"You're leaving?" Finn asks in disbelief. Rey blinks at him and smiles softly.

"Yeah. The day after tomorrow. I'm lucky I got to stay this long, actually. The Jedi weren't allowed to have family visits way back when, but Luke thought it was important that I see you guys," Rey says, and sits down on a supply box next to Finn. "But, duty calls."

"She'd be gone already if it wasn't for your... adventure," Poe adds. Finn nods and turns his eyes to the ground.

"Look on the bright side," Rey says, leaning close to Finn. "I won't be able to interrupt you two again."

Finn laughs and throws his arm over Rey's shoulder.

"I'm still gonna miss you, though," he says. "We'll probably die without you."

"Oh, please, don't even joke about that," Rey says, but she giggles nonetheless. "I'll miss you too."

A series of jealous beeps comes from the direction of the ground.

"Oh!" Rey says, and leans over to pat BB-8's head. "And of course I'll miss you."

She looks up at Poe, who is watching them all with a kind of sad smile on his face. "I'll miss you, too," she says. Poe nods.

Rey walks over to the X-wing and pats it fondly. "So? You gonna fly this thing or what?"

\---

It's hard, sometimes. They've all had a rough time, Poe knows. Finn most of all. And Poe does all he can to eliminate the guilty look that sometimes creeps onto Finn's face when he's alone for too long, or in the middle of an important meeting. It's the only thing he can do. And he doesn't mind. Poe could continue making sure that Finn is happy for the rest of his life. What's hard isn't dealing with other people's unhappiness; it's dealing with his own. He can't let it show, he decided early on. Other people have had it much worse. Poe has only been tortured by the First Order once. Finn was tortured for days, weeks. Being tortured by Kylo Ren is a special kind of torture that sticks with you for your entire life. Being violated in that way, where you're not even alone in your own mind, it's a hard thing to leave behind. Poe knows, Finn knows, Rey knows. It's a trauma that they share.

But the torture isn't where it ended. Or, rather, where it started.

As soon as Poe was captured that first time, he was absolutely, one hundred percent convinced that he was going to die. He was ready to die. Prepared for it. He knew from the very beginning that he was in this alone. He knew that the Resistance wasn't coming for him. He accepted the mission anyway. So when Finn first escorted Poe out of that godforsaken room of torture, Poe had already accepted that he was being taken to be executed. But instead, Finn broke him out and saved his life. Then, Finn was killed. He wasn't dead, really. But Poe had no way of knowing that at the time. He thought he had just gotten his rescuer, his new, bright, shining ray of hope, killed. He carried that guilt with him, just like he carried the shame that he had provided the First Order with the information it needed.

More than half of his Resistance pilots being killed was just icing on the metaphorical shitty cake.

The problem now is that Poe has spent so much time fixing other people that he no longer knows how to fix himself.

"Hey," a voice says. It brings Poe back to reality. He looks up at the doorway and sees a concerned Finn standing there. Poe realizes that he has no idea how long he's been sitting here on his bed alone.

"Hey, buddy," Poe replies. He stretches and smiles. He's good at that: smiling. He takes pride in it. There are only a few people in the entire galaxy that can tell when he's faking.

"Are you okay?" Finn asks. Poe's smile doesn't falter.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired."

Finn doesn't look convinced. He closes the door behind him and sits on the edge of the bed, next to Poe.

"Are you sure?" Finn asks. "Because it's okay if you're not. A lot of us aren't, believe me."

"Why would I not be okay?" Poe asks, trying to make his voice sound lighthearted and nonchalant.

"Lots of reasons," Finn says. "Because you were tortured. Because you lost your friends. Because... you almost lost me."

Poe's smile slowly drops off his face.

"You went through worse," he says eventually.

"So? That has nothing to do with this," Finn says. "Poe, if you're not okay, I want to know. So I can help." He puts a hand in Poe's shoulder and gently squeezes, looking directly into his eyes. "Like you've been helping me."

Poe averts his eyes. He can't look at him. His expression was almost too genuine, too full of love. It was overwhelming.

"I," Poe forces out. He swallows the lump in his throat. "Can you just..."

"Just what?" Finn asks gently.

"Hold me," Poe whispers, so quietly that most people wouldn't have heard it. Finn isn't like most people.

"That's all?" Finn jokes, but his voice is soft and kind. He lies down and pats the empty space next to him. Poe looks at Finn for a moment in disbelief, then lies down with his back facing him. Finn envelops Poe in a hug, tangling their legs together and wrapping his arms around him. He hooks his chin over Poe's shoulder and talks quietly into his ear.

"This okay?"

"Yeah."

Poe realizes something as he's lying there. He'd still die in the line of duty. But now he has a compelling reason not to.

\---

Rey is leaving. It's not forever, but everyone knows it might be a while before they see her again. There's a small crowd gathered around the Millennium Falcon, wishing her goodbye and good luck. Finn, Poe, and Leia are in the very front. Rey looks at them all with a smile and a few tears in her eyes. She approaches Poe first, hugging him.

"Take care of him for me, yeah?" Rey asks, her voice steady.

"Of course," Poe replies. "Us Damerons always look out for each other."

They break the hug, and smile at each other for a long moment, their hands on each other's shoulders. Then Rey nods and walks to Finn. They hug as well, and Rey whispers something in Finn's ear that Poe can't quite catch. Finn smiles and says something back, and soon their hug is over too. Rey bends down to talk to BB-8, and Poe moves slightly closer to Finn and takes his hand.

"I know a lot of people are going to miss seeing you every day," Leia says. "Myself included. Maybe I'll have a little talk with Luke about having you stay longer next time."

Rey lets out a watery laugh, and hugs Leia as well. Soon enough, she's standing right in front of the ramp, looking inside the ship. She takes a moment to turn around and look at everyone.

"Well. This is it," she says. A few people laugh, and a few salute. "Catch you guys later."

She then smiles, turns, and enters the ship. They all watch as it powers up and starts flying away. Finn squeezes Poe's hand, and Poe squeezes back. They both know what the other is thinking.

They may be separated sometimes. They could be separated for years. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because a family doesn't need to be in constant contact to be a family. And that's what they are. A small, dysfunctional, sometimes sad, sometimes happy, family. They found each other once, against all odds, and they will find each other again. This is something Poe is absolutely sure of.

He smiles.


End file.
